It is with tears that I share my heart with strangers and promised anonymity. The Other Woman Magazine is full of encouraging words to live freely, but free is foreign to me. I want to be free, but I don’t think I’ll ever be. The articles I’ve read in past issues may be the reality of others, but they can’t be everyone’s reality; they sure the heck aren’t mine.
I’m in an eighteen-year marriage and I want out. The ongoing quarantine has revealed that we’re sadly comfortable with extended periods of silence between us. When we do talk the topics are just general BS about family, bills, and work. There are no intimate conversations, and the only laughter is if we’re watching a television show together.
Is this what the rest of my life is? Is this how middle-aged marriage is supposed to turn out? If it is, Mother Mary help me. Maybe I’m making a big deal over nothing. If this is normal, then I guess I’m okay, but who defines normal? What makes it okay to leave? How in the heck do women just pack up and leave a marriage they’ve been in for decades?
My fear is regretting the last half of my life because I didn’t acknowledge what I’m feeling inside. That’s it, right? Live without regrets? We’re in our fifties which are supposed to be golden years. What makes them golden? I feel like I’m stuck. I’m drowning. I’m suffocated by my own life. I can’t breathe! I know marriage is about the good and the bad times until death do us part, but I feel like I’m dying of a slow death. There is so much time invested in the marriage and our families are so connected, but what about what I feel? Am I being selfish or should I be selfish for my happiness? I’ve always done what I wanted to do, but I feel like I’m looking for an escape route. I want out! I don’t have the courage to tell my husband how I really feel, so I’ll most likely just stay married and…be married.
I. AM. STUCK.
Why won’t I leave? I don’t have a reason to leave, I just don’t want to be married anymore. I want something else – not someone else, just something different for my life. I often wonder if my husband feels the same way. Probably not. Men are good for going to work and sitting in front of the TV waiting to be fed like an aminal in a zoo. Well, I don’t want to be a zoo keeper for the rest of my life. I’m not unhappy with my husband, I’m unhappy with my life. I just don’t want to be married anymore.
Maybe I just found my answer. It’s not my marriage. Maybe I should be happy regardless of my circumstances. If happiness is truly within, I’m the one who needs to find another level of water in my pool of pity. For those women looking for a man to make you happy, stop looking because you gotta make your own self happy. Marriage isn’t the answer.
Tag Archives: divorce
Single Fatherhood
David J
Since June 2017, I have been a single father. I was married five years and went through a long drawn out separation. I’m still healing and adjusting to my new normal. I enjoyed being a husband and I’m not made for single life but I have to heal and enjoy singleness at this time.
When co-parenting, Women may feel like the lines of being a loving father and having an ex reunion is imminent. That expectation is wrong. Also, when you see a man with his children alone do not assume it’s “his time with the kids.” I can’t tell you how many times people treat me like an inept second choice to a full-time parent. Men can raise children too, and many are not just weekend visitors. We have the ability to be great single parents too.
I’m 36 years old and a professional law enforcement officer. I have two amazing kids, a son (6) and a daughter (4). I quickly learned there is no Father manual. God has given me the tools to succeed. My job is to just keep trying and loving. I do my best, and If I had to choose areas to improve in, it would be communication, patience, and quality time. My children are young so I have to remind myself they have only been on this planet a short time. I might have to repeat and go over instructions a few more times, say pick this up, put that down, don’t do that, do this, and as a single parent you can lose patience after a while. I realize I need to be more patient with myself and them in understanding of their development. They are just babies when I take a step back and realize they are doing their best just like I am. I not only have to be patient with them, but patient with myself.
Time is my greatest challenge. Being everything my son and daughter need requires a lot of time. Profession and personal things arise but my focus is being their Father and developing them. I play an important role in their life and I don’t take it lightly. I try to spend time daily showing and telling them they are loved, special, and that they are already great. Watching them grow and mature is a reward as a father and it’s good to see myself in them but my greatest reward is watching them develop into their own. Both have style and personality and I love that about them. Speaking of style, my daughter’s hair was definitely a learning experience. My go-to style is the ponytail. Her hair is soft and easy to manage with styling gel and a hairbrush brush. If I’m running out of time I’m going with the Angela Davis Afro. It’s easily recognizable when Daddy does her hair. I believe it takes a team, like the old adage “it takes a village.” I can’t teach a little girl to be a woman by myself. There are experiences that she will go through that only another woman can prepare her for. I can raise her, train her, prepare her as much as I can but one day anatomically, physically, emotionally, psychologically, things will change. She will mature into a woman and she will need a woman to mentor her on the way. My role will always remain as her Father but she will need a woman to navigate certain future experiences. It’s the same for women with a young boy becoming a man.
My advice to single fathers is that TIME is key, be PRESENT, and develop their communication skills early. No baby- talk, but have real conversations about real people, places and things. Also pray with them and always show love.