Tag Archives: sex

Single, Holy and Horny

by LaVender Shedrick Williams

It’s okay if this taboo topic makes you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the unspoken reality in the lives of many single women – churched women especially.

Most women will admit to having a fantasy flash of being seductively seduced by a tall, dark and handsome suitor or maybe had a thought of being rescued and passionately kissed by a knight in shining armor. Perhaps the long, slow kiss turned into sizzling sex or being lovingly cuddled and caressed until you fall asleep. Having these thoughts doesn’t make you a bad girl, they only remind you of your human, sensual self – your womanhood. The time to be concerned is if you never experience a tingling down below or thought of having passionate sex. If you haven’t, check your pulse!

To the woman claiming she doesn’t experience these desires due to her religious practices or fervent prayers to guard her mind…Really? Be honest with yourself – you won’t go to hell for being human, and God already knows your thoughts and He created your emotional body!  

But, I pray! You can quote scripture all day, be a prayer warrior, attend church every time the doors open, and be appointed and anointed, it doesn’t mean your body is dead to sexual arousal. Married, divorced, or single – your status does not change your body’s natural response. If you’re single, there may be a need to turn the heat down a notch or two, but definitely not off! Monitor what you watch on television and what you listen to on the radio. It may help…a little.

Sex is a private affair and it’s no one’s business what goes on in your bedroom, on your kitchen counter (ahem), or in your mind. Don’t be ashamed of how your body was created. If you feel ashamed or embarrassed, blame those feelings on the other woman because she’ll gladly own them.

A married woman sleeps with sex and has it at her disposal (whether she chooses to indulge or not). But what about the single woman? What about the single churched women? What do they do when the womanly organ sounds for attention? I asked a well-known evangelist (who we’ll keep anonymous), and she says, “Find a man who understands you need loving and is willing to walk you through it. Make it happen!” Wow, really? My father gave me different advice. He says, “Don’t get so dick crazy that you lose your integrity. Take care of it yourself. If you don’t know how, ask one of your girlfriends.” Okaaay, Daddy!

Single ladies the choice is yours. If you choose to pray the desire away, take a cold shower, sleep with a pillow between your legs, play with your battery operated friend, or feed your sexual desire – do you. It’s no one’s business! Allow the other woman to explore – whether with your own body or …someone else’s. Be safe. Be wise. Be you. The important thing is not to allow someone else to dictate how you live your life. 

It’s always the married, churched women who tell us to wait until we’re married, or to pray about it while they go home to their husbands and have boring married sex. I wonder if they waited until they got married. Humph…I was one of those married church women. I think a particular cliché’ would be perfect right here, “You’re so Heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good.”

Do You Have A Frustrated Man?

If you’re married and say you’ve never wondered if your husband tipped outside the marriage for sex, you’re not being honest. We all know men are attracted to women – especially sexy women. Men are visual beings and it’s their nature to look and turn their head and look back at a woman they find attractive. Just because your boo chose to put a ring on your finger doesn’t mean his attraction to sexy women diminished. He simply made a commitment to you and you have every right to expect him to keep his commitment. Sex shouldn’t be the most important aspect of marriage, but sex is important to a man – married or not. Sex is almost like medicine to a man and if they don’t receive the correct dosage (whatever their specific dosage is) they tend to act a little off – irritable if you will. Are you giving your husband sexy sex or submissive sex? There’s a difference! Read the below snippet from the book that’s making a difference in the lives of singles and married couples titled, The Bite of Pleasure by Eddie L. Fray

The Frustrated Man

There is a difference between a sexy woman and a woman who has sex. A sexy woman is in tune with her sexuality and the expressions of such. She has an appetite for sexual pleasure and enjoys being the object of affection and desire. She is uninhibited by life’s non-sexual challenges. Sexual intimacy is at the forefront of her mind. Her sexuality is the embodiment of who she is; she owns it and wears it like a sweet-smelling fragrance. Due to her own desires, sexual gratification is a priority in her life.

On the other hand, the woman who has sex out of duty, obligation, or solely for personal needs stifles bilateral desire. Also, if sexual desire is unilateral (one-sided) the other side will walk away unfulfilled. Although the sexual encounter between the two may be explosive, it does not erase the craving of the man to be with a sexy woman.

Back Door Sex

Back Door Psychology

David J. Ley Ph.D.

What is with the male fascination with heterosexual anal sex, anyway? Men seem to fantasize obsessively about anal sex, hundreds of porn movies are made every year that fetishize anal sex, and women everywhere debate whether they should or shouldn’t have anal sex with their boyfriend or husband, while men discuss how to convince their female partners to give it a try. When women do have anal sex, the overwhelming majority, do so at the request of their male partner. So, why? What does anal sex mean?

Heterosexual anal sex has been around for millennia. Paintings and etchings from Japan, China and Europe all depict men performing anal sex on women, as do ancient erotic drawings, sculpture and pottery from the Mediterranean and South America. In some Polynesian cultures, anal sex was practiced explicitly as a means of birth control. Today, some adolescents regard anal sex as a means to prevent conception, regardless of increased risks for transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. Over the past decades, heterosexual anal sex rates have climbed. In the Fifties, anal sex was reported by fewer than fifteen percent of the population. Modern overall rates suggest that around a third of men have performed anal sex on a woman, and slightly fewer women have received anal sex. The rates are still higher in sexually active adult in their twenties.

But, for married and committed couples, where disease and pregnancy aren’t a significant concern, how can we explain the prevalence of the male fascination with anal sex? Men are sexually interested by variety, but aside from this, there is no relevant evolutionary argument, as anal sex of course produces no heirs.

Anal sex, and a desire for anal sex, serves different purposes for men. The strongest, and most common argument that men voice, is that a woman who will engage in anal sex is inherently arousing to a man. Such a woman, in embracing anal sex, is embracing it with no intent or possible result of pregnancy – it is sex, at its rawest. For a man, anal sex with a woman is her allowing him to play Star Trek, and venture into uncharted territory. Even if it is not where no man has gone before, it is still something novel, uncommon, and special in its rarity. A woman engaging in anal sex shows her desire and willingness to have sex in a purely physical way, with no thought of pregnancy. She is embracing, to some degree, a willingness to make her body a sexual object. Some research suggests that women who engage in anal sex report having more orgasms, not necessarily during anal sex alone, but in their overall levels of sexual activity. The overall conclusions are that the women who are willing to engage in anal sex tend to be more adventurous, more sensual, more relaxed in bed, and thus, more orgasmic.

Do You Want Me To Help You Or Hoe You?

Robert L Congress

There is this belief among some women that, all men think about is sex and fulfilling their sexual desires. The truth is, men view sex in some of the same ways associated with the sexual beliefs of women. I recently recall being at work and visiting a client’s office. During many of my normal visits to this client’s office, there was one woman that I assumed had a personal interest in me. Well, my assumptions were spot-on. Because I was recently divorced from my wife of 20 years, my mindset was far from wanting to be involved with anyone. I simply just wanted to be left alone.

No, not all men are whoremongers looking to sexually conquer women.
More about that later. Back to my story.

My visit to this client’s office was quite frequent and each time I was there, this woman knowing the approximate time of my arrival, would strategically place herself in my normal path. It made me feel like she was doing a dance to get my attention. It got to the point where I would have to mentally prepare myself before entering the building. Each and every time I encountered her, I maintained a professional approach not wanting to give off any signal that I had any personal interest in her, which I did not. Simply put, her timing could not have been worse.
At that point in my life, I was trying to mentally, emotionally, and psychologically navigate through where I was in my shattered personal existence, while at the same time attempting not to alienate anyone. Being an introvert didn’t necessarily provide me with a sense of relief either.
I found myself reaching out to a female friend for advice on how to approach this situation. Initially, she laughed and told me that I was overreacting and just enjoy the fact that someone was showing interest in me. Needless to say, it wasn’t the response I was looking for. As men, we’ve been so conditioned to accept whatever life gives us and avoid showing any outward feelings of vulnerability, especially as it relates to the opposite sex. Because my friend was ultra single and had not been in a serious relationship in years, I questioned whether or not her relationship advice had any real validity to it.
In dealing with this particular situation, I begin to wonder if this woman thought my lack of interest, was a signal that I was possibly gay. Damn! What if she really feels that way? Not that my sexual preference mattered, but the truth in all of this is, I was not the guy for her. Maybe she was lonely and overwhelmed with a need for companionship. It would have been easy for me to act in a stereotypical way often associated with men. However, I viewed my behavior in this situation as a simple act of selflessness. What do you mean by that Robert? Because she appeared to prance around like a peacock, I could have easily gotten what I wanted from her sexually, fulfilling my needs, and quickly moving on. Leaving her in shattered pieces, waiting for the next man to come along and deal with her brokenness.
I initially walked away from this situation wondering if my lack of response to her advances was the right decision; however, at this point, my only question to her would be, “Do you want me to help you or hoe you?” Imagine that, a man not wanting to take advantage of a female’s vulnerability and feeling guilty about it. I did not allow my innate male ego to do its thing and act in its predictable, primitive way. I made the choice to walk away from this situation hoping she would fill the void (need for companionship) that was obviously in her life.
Ladies, there is a language and dominant culture that exist in society where men are expected to be hyper-masculine and quick to say yes to every swinging skirt tail that crosses our path. We also receive much criticism for our actions and behavior even we attempt to do what’s right. We are constantly being told how to regulate what we do and remain in certain guidelines to be viewed as “real men”.

The Good The Bad The Ugly

Rosie L Shedrick

You never know what life lessons the brain will grasp and in the 64 years I’ve been married, I’ve learned quite a few. My husband, as a young boy watched his mother suffer and struggle to provide for ten children without a husband. In the 1940s and 50s, without running water and electricity, having survival skills was crucial. Many days he nnd his siblings went hungry and without necessities.
Because he grew up in severe poverty, he said his family would never have to live like that. He was strict on our three daughters and enforced education. He said, “If they don’t like me, it’s okay.” He was going to ensure they had life skills for success. He also refused to allow his wife to struggle like his mother had to. He joined the Navy and he didn’t want me to work so I didn’t. It was a joy to be able to stay at home with our three girls without depending on daycare or a babysitter. On paydays, he handed me his check. I was a thrifty shopper and always went to the sales rack. With three daughters, I learned how to do hair which later became my profession. When the girls were older and I decided to go to work, my husband told me the money I was making was mine. Yes, I know I had it good. To have a husband with a priority to protect and provid for his family is worth more than gold.

As a wife, I never had a want or need for anything. I never had to worry about food, money, bills being paid, clothes for the children and definitely not for myself. My cup has been running over for 64 years. Don’t get me wrong, nothing is perfect. Some of those life lessons have been through the good, the bad, and the ugly in our marriage.

Escape Route

It is with tears that I share my heart with strangers and promised anonymity. The Other Woman Magazine is full of encouraging words to live freely, but free is foreign to me. I want to be free, but I don’t think I’ll ever be. The articles I’ve read in past issues may be the reality of others, but they can’t be everyone’s reality; they sure the heck aren’t mine.
I’m in an eighteen-year marriage and I want out. The ongoing quarantine has revealed that we’re sadly comfortable with extended periods of silence between us. When we do talk the topics are just general BS about family, bills, and work. There are no intimate conversations, and the only laughter is if we’re watching a television show together.
Is this what the rest of my life is? Is this how middle-aged marriage is supposed to turn out? If it is, Mother Mary help me. Maybe I’m making a big deal over nothing. If this is normal, then I guess I’m okay, but who defines normal? What makes it okay to leave? How in the heck do women just pack up and leave a marriage they’ve been in for decades?
My fear is regretting the last half of my life because I didn’t acknowledge what I’m feeling inside. That’s it, right? Live without regrets? We’re in our fifties which are supposed to be golden years. What makes them golden? I feel like I’m stuck. I’m drowning. I’m suffocated by my own life. I can’t breathe! I know marriage is about the good and the bad times until death do us part, but I feel like I’m dying of a slow death. There is so much time invested in the marriage and our families are so connected, but what about what I feel? Am I being selfish or should I be selfish for my happiness? I’ve always done what I wanted to do, but I feel like I’m looking for an escape route. I want out! I don’t have the courage to tell my husband how I really feel, so I’ll most likely just stay married and…be married.
Why won’t I leave? I don’t have a reason to leave, I just don’t want to be married anymore. I want something else – not someone else, just something different for my life. I often wonder if my husband feels the same way. Probably not. Men are good for going to work and sitting in front of the TV waiting to be fed like an aminal in a zoo. Well, I don’t want to be a zoo keeper for the rest of my life. I’m not unhappy with my husband, I’m unhappy with my life. I just don’t want to be married anymore.
Maybe I just found my answer. It’s not my marriage. Maybe I should be happy regardless of my circumstances. If happiness is truly within, I’m the one who needs to find another level of water in my pool of pity. For those women looking for a man to make you happy, stop looking because you gotta make your own self happy. Marriage isn’t the answer.

Yes, Mistress

Mrs. Keiko

Through a slit in the living room curtains, I could see the back of a tall, slender, blond man knocking at my door. He was wearing black overalls. “Lawn care solicitor,” was my immediate assessment…the third one this morning. “Hello?” I tentatively called out to the stranger through the still-closed door. “Hello,” he answered, with an equal note of caution in his voice. “I’m looking for Miss Keiko. Does she still live here? I came by to see if she’s okay.” It had been 12 years since I had last heard that voice. I opened the door, and standing before me was my submissive Tom, smiling a warm embrace for “Miss Keiko,” his Domme and my “other woman.”
A Domme is a female who takes the superior or Dominant role in a Dominance/submission (D/s) erotic play session or relationship. A submissive takes a subordinate position. Twelve years before, Tom eagerly submitted to my dominance, and I controlled all aspects of our play sessions.

The last time he came to my home, written instructions greeted him:

  1. Knock three times, and then enter.
  2. Remove your belt.
  3. Strip naked.
  4. Neatly fold your clothes and stack them on the floor by the door.
  5. Hold your belt with your teeth.
  6. Get on your hands and knees.
  7. Lower your head.
  8. Crawl to my room. He addressed me as only as “Ma’am,” “Mistress,” or “Miss Keiko.” I called him whatever I liked. Tom and I shared great respect and affection for one another. In his PsychologyToday.com article “The Surprising Psychology of BDSM,” Joseph Magliano, Ph.D. cites a 2015 study of 1,500 men and women which found, “64.6 percent of women and 53.3 percent of men reported fantasies about being dominated sexually – and 46.7 percent of women and 59.6 percent of men reported fantasies about dominating someone sexually.” Chances are you or your partner have entertained the idea of engaging in this kind of play. Go for it!
    I became involved in the BDSM lifestyle more than 15 years ago when I sought to broaden my relationship options. I wanted someone who could handle my alpha personality, someone who appreciated my ability and desire to lead. Ultimately, I wanted someone with whom to create delicious, kinky memories, the kind that would make me smile when I recalled them while rocking in my rocking chair when I get old.
    Surprisingly, weak men do not like being dominated in the bedroom. Their egos will not allow them to assume a submissive position, so they often take on an air of exaggerated masculinity to compensate for perceived social and or economic impotence. Conversely, men who routinely make executive decisions often relish the opportunity to release control and submit to an Alpha female. As the owner of a successful, demanding, and expanding small-business, Tom makes critical decisions all day, every day. However, when we were together, all he had to do was obey.

Tom and I drifted apart after other priorities overshadowed what we shared. I invited him inside, and we played catch up. He is now a cancer survivor. He told me he treasures the time we spent together. He has something to smile about too. When he spotted two clothes pens on my coffee table, he mischievously offered, “I wonder what you could do with those.”

Sex Changes Everything

I refuse to believe there isn’t a man out there for me. I’m in my late 40s and I refuse to give up. I’ve never been married, but I’ve had a few serious relationships which amounted to nothing but stress, headaches, and sometimes tears. Does being in a relationship have to be so difficult? At my age, playing mind games should be over and done with. I just want to settle down with loyalty and commitment.
The men I’ve been involved with were good men. I would have never given them my time if they weren’t, but once sex was in the picture, they changed. All the sweet-talking, dinner dates, and good morning texts dwindled to a slow drip unless I initiate.
I understand getting comfortable in a relationship, and that’s a good thing, but I feel borderline neglected. I guess they figure they’ve got me, so they don’t have to try so hard. Well, I don’t operate like that. When I give my body to a man, that is saying I’m all in – I’m yours and I’m committed. The last guy was like night and day after sex.
I’ve been told that men are hunters and chasers. Once they hunt you, chase you down and conquer…they move on to the next chase. They like the excitement and the challenge of the chase and conquer game.
Well, I refuse to help any man build his ego or use me for his convenience or trophy case. I come to the table offering a lot more than my body. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting the love and respect I give to be reciprocated.
Because of my frustration, I’ve decided to take a vow of celibacy. Sounds crazy to do at my age, but how many more times do I allow a man to enter my body then exit my life? They may not leave physically, but they sure are missing in action in the relationship.
I don’t blame anyone except myself. I’m the one setting myself up for hurt by giving my body to men who haven’t made a commitment. They do just enough to keep me around, but I will not settle. Because of these experiences, I now know my worth better than ever.