by LaVender Shedrick Williams

It’s okay if this taboo topic makes you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the unspoken reality in the lives of many single women – churched women especially.

Most women will admit to having a fantasy flash of being seductively seduced by a tall, dark and handsome suitor or maybe had a thought of being rescued and passionately kissed by a knight in shining armor. Perhaps the long, slow kiss turned into sizzling sex or being lovingly cuddled and caressed until you fall asleep. Having these thoughts doesn’t make you a bad girl, they only remind you of your human, sensual self – your womanhood. The time to be concerned is if you never experience a tingling down below or thought of having passionate sex. If you haven’t, check your pulse!

To the woman claiming she doesn’t experience these desires due to her religious practices or fervent prayers to guard her mind…Really? Be honest with yourself – you won’t go to hell for being human, and God already knows your thoughts and He created your emotional body!  

But, I pray! You can quote scripture all day, be a prayer warrior, attend church every time the doors open, and be appointed and anointed, it doesn’t mean your body is dead to sexual arousal. Married, divorced, or single – your status does not change your body’s natural response. If you’re single, there may be a need to turn the heat down a notch or two, but definitely not off! Monitor what you watch on television and what you listen to on the radio. It may help…a little.

Sex is a private affair and it’s no one’s business what goes on in your bedroom, on your kitchen counter (ahem), or in your mind. Don’t be ashamed of how your body was created. If you feel ashamed or embarrassed, blame those feelings on the other woman because she’ll gladly own them.

A married woman sleeps with sex and has it at her disposal (whether she chooses to indulge or not). But what about the single woman? What about the single churched women? What do they do when the womanly organ sounds for attention? I asked a well-known evangelist (who we’ll keep anonymous), and she says, “Find a man who understands you need loving and is willing to walk you through it. Make it happen!” Wow, really? My father gave me different advice. He says, “Don’t get so dick crazy that you lose your integrity. Take care of it yourself. If you don’t know how, ask one of your girlfriends.” Okaaay, Daddy!

Single ladies the choice is yours. If you choose to pray the desire away, take a cold shower, sleep with a pillow between your legs, play with your battery operated friend, or feed your sexual desire – do you. It’s no one’s business! Allow the other woman to explore – whether with your own body or …someone else’s. Be safe. Be wise. Be you. The important thing is not to allow someone else to dictate how you live your life. 

It’s always the married, churched women who tell us to wait until we’re married, or to pray about it while they go home to their husbands and have boring married sex. I wonder if they waited until they got married. Humph…I was one of those married church women. I think a particular cliché’ would be perfect right here, “You’re so Heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good.”