Category Archives: Self-love


by laVender shedrick williams –

I can only write what I know and I know the value and worth of a woman. Unfortunately, my discovery of the power and wonderment of a woman being wasn’t until well into my golden years. I probably would not have shared my body with the handful of men who sugar coated their lies to get what they wanted. I probably would have walked a little taller, been more comfortable in my skin, and I definitely would have used my voice more. I believe men know the power of a woman which is why they’ve recognized us as second class citizens for so long. We’re a threat to their ego on every level possible and to put it plainly – they need us – they need our mind, body and soul.

Once we realize our power lies between our lips and not in our hips, we can change the world – one home at a time. Women have the power to control and influence. We have the ability to mold minds! If we have all this power, why do we struggle with loving ourselves and feeling we’re not enough? Many women aren’t taught their worth and value because the women in their village don’t know their own worth and value. We go through most of our life without ever being told how extraordinary women are. It’s okay to be a late bloomer as long as you eventually bloom. Bloom into the woman you were divinely designed to be! Be careful not to sleep through your awakening. Be aware of your process of evolving and embrace it with passion.

I’m a tall, loud-laughing, independent, passionate, strong-willed, vocal woman who is an extreme introvert, yet will speak her mind without permission. Every man in my life has tried to tweak me, silence me, or make me feel guilty for who I am. Trust me, I’ve met a few in the middle until I realize if they loved me they wouldn’t try to change me. I AM! My words may be too strong for some, my actions may be to aggressive for others, but all my life, I’ve been quiet. I woke up! I met me! I freed the other woman! I’m free to be! I AM!

Single, Holy and Horny

by LaVender Shedrick Williams

It’s okay if this taboo topic makes you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the unspoken reality in the lives of many single women – churched women especially.

Most women will admit to having a fantasy flash of being seductively seduced by a tall, dark and handsome suitor or maybe had a thought of being rescued and passionately kissed by a knight in shining armor. Perhaps the long, slow kiss turned into sizzling sex or being lovingly cuddled and caressed until you fall asleep. Having these thoughts doesn’t make you a bad girl, they only remind you of your human, sensual self – your womanhood. The time to be concerned is if you never experience a tingling down below or thought of having passionate sex. If you haven’t, check your pulse!

To the woman claiming she doesn’t experience these desires due to her religious practices or fervent prayers to guard her mind…Really? Be honest with yourself – you won’t go to hell for being human, and God already knows your thoughts and He created your emotional body!  

But, I pray! You can quote scripture all day, be a prayer warrior, attend church every time the doors open, and be appointed and anointed, it doesn’t mean your body is dead to sexual arousal. Married, divorced, or single – your status does not change your body’s natural response. If you’re single, there may be a need to turn the heat down a notch or two, but definitely not off! Monitor what you watch on television and what you listen to on the radio. It may help…a little.

Sex is a private affair and it’s no one’s business what goes on in your bedroom, on your kitchen counter (ahem), or in your mind. Don’t be ashamed of how your body was created. If you feel ashamed or embarrassed, blame those feelings on the other woman because she’ll gladly own them.

A married woman sleeps with sex and has it at her disposal (whether she chooses to indulge or not). But what about the single woman? What about the single churched women? What do they do when the womanly organ sounds for attention? I asked a well-known evangelist (who we’ll keep anonymous), and she says, “Find a man who understands you need loving and is willing to walk you through it. Make it happen!” Wow, really? My father gave me different advice. He says, “Don’t get so dick crazy that you lose your integrity. Take care of it yourself. If you don’t know how, ask one of your girlfriends.” Okaaay, Daddy!

Single ladies the choice is yours. If you choose to pray the desire away, take a cold shower, sleep with a pillow between your legs, play with your battery operated friend, or feed your sexual desire – do you. It’s no one’s business! Allow the other woman to explore – whether with your own body or …someone else’s. Be safe. Be wise. Be you. The important thing is not to allow someone else to dictate how you live your life. 

It’s always the married, churched women who tell us to wait until we’re married, or to pray about it while they go home to their husbands and have boring married sex. I wonder if they waited until they got married. Humph…I was one of those married church women. I think a particular cliché’ would be perfect right here, “You’re so Heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good.”

Stepping Out!

Are you in a place of stagnation in your life? Ready to try something new? Thinking about relocating or maybe trying a new career or craft? How about love? Ready to step out and try love again instead of being fearful about the WHAT IFs? Ready to travel? What’s stopping you? Fear of judgment from friends and family? Can’t find the courage to take the first step? Tired of making excuses? As you continue to wait on your SELF to make a move, time is passing by. You know what? You’re not alone. Countless women live with regrets about ideas they wanted to pursue or changes they wanted to make in life only to remain in their comfort zone. Being a faithful wife and loving mother is safe, but there is so much more to you than those titles. You’ve given your family ALL of you. It’s okay to make yourself a priority. It’s time to love yourself as you’ve loved so many others.

This year will be over soon and another year of your life will be gone. Go ahead, take the plunge. Go for it! Why not? If not now, when?

Is That A Vagina?

Contrary to what you may have been thinking about the image on our cover, it’s NOT a vagina. Your mind may want to see a vagina, but it’s actually the image of the inside of a rose. The rose is one of the world’s most popular flowers. Similar to a woman, roses come in an array of colors, shapes, and forms – rose bushes, shrub roses, blush roses climbing roses, miniature roses, and the list goes on and on. There is another remarkable similarity flowers (not just roses) have with a woman which is the reproductive organ, the ovary. Yes, flowers have an ovary!

The flower’s ovary is the hollow cavity containing ovules which is the structure containing the egg cells. You’ll never look at a rose the same way, and as a matter of fact, you may even look at one a little closer…a little deeper.

That’s not all! The petals on a rose are modified leaves with the purpose of attracting pollinators like birds and bees. Women aren’t the only ones using their assets to attract.

So, while you were thinking we were a little too edgy with our delivery, we were merely dropping a little knowledge on you.