by Travis Geron (an excerpt from the current issue, Born To Create
by laVender s williams
Sometimes in our weakest moments, we have to dig deep within to encourage ourselves. Pour courage (INcourage) into your Self. Speak positive words to uplift your Self. We are stronger than we realize and each weak moment is an opportunity to recognize our strength and continue BEing.
by laVender shedrick williams –
I can only write what I know and I know the value and worth of a woman. Unfortunately, my discovery of the power and wonderment of a woman being wasn’t until well into my golden years. I probably would not have shared my body with the handful of men who sugar coated their lies to get what they wanted. I probably would have walked a little taller, been more comfortable in my skin, and I definitely would have used my voice more. I believe men know the power of a woman which is why they’ve recognized us as second class citizens for so long. We’re a threat to their ego on every level possible and to put it plainly – they need us – they need our mind, body and soul.
Once we realize our power lies between our lips and not in our hips, we can change the world – one home at a time. Women have the power to control and influence. We have the ability to mold minds! If we have all this power, why do we struggle with loving ourselves and feeling we’re not enough? Many women aren’t taught their worth and value because the women in their village don’t know their own worth and value. We go through most of our life without ever being told how extraordinary women are. It’s okay to be a late bloomer as long as you eventually bloom. Bloom into the woman you were divinely designed to be! Be careful not to sleep through your awakening. Be aware of your process of evolving and embrace it with passion.
I’m a tall, loud-laughing, independent, passionate, strong-willed, vocal woman who is an extreme introvert, yet will speak her mind without permission. Every man in my life has tried to tweak me, silence me, or make me feel guilty for who I am. Trust me, I’ve met a few in the middle until I realize if they loved me they wouldn’t try to change me. I AM! My words may be too strong for some, my actions may be to aggressive for others, but all my life, I’ve been quiet. I woke up! I met me! I freed the other woman! I’m free to be! I AM!
by LaVender Shedrick Williams
It’s okay if this taboo topic makes you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the unspoken reality in the lives of many single women – churched women especially.
Most women will admit to having a fantasy flash of being seductively seduced by a tall, dark and handsome suitor or maybe had a thought of being rescued and passionately kissed by a knight in shining armor. Perhaps the long, slow kiss turned into sizzling sex or being lovingly cuddled and caressed until you fall asleep. Having these thoughts doesn’t make you a bad girl, they only remind you of your human, sensual self – your womanhood. The time to be concerned is if you never experience a tingling down below or thought of having passionate sex. If you haven’t, check your pulse!
To the woman claiming she doesn’t experience these desires due to her religious practices or fervent prayers to guard her mind…Really? Be honest with yourself – you won’t go to hell for being human, and God already knows your thoughts and He created your emotional body!
But, I pray! You can quote scripture all day, be a prayer warrior, attend church every time the doors open, and be appointed and anointed, it doesn’t mean your body is dead to sexual arousal. Married, divorced, or single – your status does not change your body’s natural response. If you’re single, there may be a need to turn the heat down a notch or two, but definitely not off! Monitor what you watch on television and what you listen to on the radio. It may help…a little.
Sex is a private affair and it’s no one’s business what goes on in your bedroom, on your kitchen counter (ahem), or in your mind. Don’t be ashamed of how your body was created. If you feel ashamed or embarrassed, blame those feelings on the other woman because she’ll gladly own them.
A married woman sleeps with sex and has it at her disposal (whether she chooses to indulge or not). But what about the single woman? What about the single churched women? What do they do when the womanly organ sounds for attention? I asked a well-known evangelist (who we’ll keep anonymous), and she says, “Find a man who understands you need loving and is willing to walk you through it. Make it happen!” Wow, really? My father gave me different advice. He says, “Don’t get so dick crazy that you lose your integrity. Take care of it yourself. If you don’t know how, ask one of your girlfriends.” Okaaay, Daddy!
Single ladies the choice is yours. If you choose to pray the desire away, take a cold shower, sleep with a pillow between your legs, play with your battery operated friend, or feed your sexual desire – do you. It’s no one’s business! Allow the other woman to explore – whether with your own body or …someone else’s. Be safe. Be wise. Be you. The important thing is not to allow someone else to dictate how you live your life.
It’s always the married, churched women who tell us to wait until we’re married, or to pray about it while they go home to their husbands and have boring married sex. I wonder if they waited until they got married. Humph…I was one of those married church women. I think a particular cliché’ would be perfect right here, “You’re so Heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good.”
If you’re married and say you’ve never wondered if your husband tipped outside the marriage for sex, you’re not being honest. We all know men are attracted to women – especially sexy women. Men are visual beings and it’s their nature to look and turn their head and look back at a woman they find attractive. Just because your boo chose to put a ring on your finger doesn’t mean his attraction to sexy women diminished. He simply made a commitment to you and you have every right to expect him to keep his commitment. Sex shouldn’t be the most important aspect of marriage, but sex is important to a man – married or not. Sex is almost like medicine to a man and if they don’t receive the correct dosage (whatever their specific dosage is) they tend to act a little off – irritable if you will. Are you giving your husband sexy sex or submissive sex? There’s a difference! Read the below snippet from the book that’s making a difference in the lives of singles and married couples titled, The Bite of Pleasure by Eddie L. Fray
The Frustrated Man
There is a difference between a sexy woman and a woman who has sex. A sexy woman is in tune with her sexuality and the expressions of such. She has an appetite for sexual pleasure and enjoys being the object of affection and desire. She is uninhibited by life’s non-sexual challenges. Sexual intimacy is at the forefront of her mind. Her sexuality is the embodiment of who she is; she owns it and wears it like a sweet-smelling fragrance. Due to her own desires, sexual gratification is a priority in her life.
On the other hand, the woman who has sex out of duty, obligation, or solely for personal needs stifles bilateral desire. Also, if sexual desire is unilateral (one-sided) the other side will walk away unfulfilled. Although the sexual encounter between the two may be explosive, it does not erase the craving of the man to be with a sexy woman.
By Lolita Penn
Women. We possess a power we apparently don’t recognize. Imagine what the world would be like if we bonded together as one. The web we are capable of weaving can be strong enough to change the world, but instead, we attempt to change each other. Acceptance of another woman’s choices in life is difficult for many women. Why do we care how another woman raises her children? Why do we care about another woman’s choice of career? Who she sleeps with or what she does in her spare time or even what she eats? Why is any of this a concern? Maybe because we see reminders of ourselves in her actions and it shakes the essence of our being while reminding us of our own faults and shortcomings. Perhaps if we publicly or privately (in our thoughts) spotlight their wrongs, ours won’t be as noticeable. Are we so dissatisfied with ourselves we have to belittle or gossip about another woman?
Come on, let’s get it together. It doesn’t matter how big your house is, how happy you appear to be in your marriage, what your profession is, your education level, your body type, how you fake your face on Facebook, or how fashionable your wardrobe is, WE ALL HAVE ISSUES. What matters is who you are as a woman and not what you have or what you do.
I have unapologetically ended associations with a few women because of the superficial world they’ve created for themselves that they, for some reason, wanted me to admire. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Life is too precious for insincere people consuming my time and sucking the energy out of me. Be you because I’m too busy trying to be me. Be genuine. Stop competing with other women! Instead of staying in our own lane, why don’t we stay in our own kitchen, mix our own ingredients and clean up our own mess which somehow accumulates daily. If we did this, we wouldn’t have time to be in someone else’s kitchen.
The journey to loving ourselves cannot bypass the road to loving one another. Although we are individuals, we are one in mind, body, and soul. Be a part of the web