Robert L Congress
There is this belief among some women that, all men think about is sex and fulfilling their sexual desires. The truth is, men view sex in some of the same ways associated with the sexual beliefs of women. I recently recall being at work and visiting a client’s office. During many of my normal visits to this client’s office, there was one woman that I assumed had a personal interest in me. Well, my assumptions were spot-on. Because I was recently divorced from my wife of 20 years, my mindset was far from wanting to be involved with anyone. I simply just wanted to be left alone.
No, not all men are whoremongers looking to sexually conquer women.
More about that later. Back to my story.
My visit to this client’s office was quite frequent and each time I was there, this woman knowing the approximate time of my arrival, would strategically place herself in my normal path. It made me feel like she was doing a dance to get my attention. It got to the point where I would have to mentally prepare myself before entering the building. Each and every time I encountered her, I maintained a professional approach not wanting to give off any signal that I had any personal interest in her, which I did not. Simply put, her timing could not have been worse.
At that point in my life, I was trying to mentally, emotionally, and psychologically navigate through where I was in my shattered personal existence, while at the same time attempting not to alienate anyone. Being an introvert didn’t necessarily provide me with a sense of relief either.
I found myself reaching out to a female friend for advice on how to approach this situation. Initially, she laughed and told me that I was overreacting and just enjoy the fact that someone was showing interest in me. Needless to say, it wasn’t the response I was looking for. As men, we’ve been so conditioned to accept whatever life gives us and avoid showing any outward feelings of vulnerability, especially as it relates to the opposite sex. Because my friend was ultra single and had not been in a serious relationship in years, I questioned whether or not her relationship advice had any real validity to it.
In dealing with this particular situation, I begin to wonder if this woman thought my lack of interest, was a signal that I was possibly gay. Damn! What if she really feels that way? Not that my sexual preference mattered, but the truth in all of this is, I was not the guy for her. Maybe she was lonely and overwhelmed with a need for companionship. It would have been easy for me to act in a stereotypical way often associated with men. However, I viewed my behavior in this situation as a simple act of selflessness. What do you mean by that Robert? Because she appeared to prance around like a peacock, I could have easily gotten what I wanted from her sexually, fulfilling my needs, and quickly moving on. Leaving her in shattered pieces, waiting for the next man to come along and deal with her brokenness.
I initially walked away from this situation wondering if my lack of response to her advances was the right decision; however, at this point, my only question to her would be, “Do you want me to help you or hoe you?” Imagine that, a man not wanting to take advantage of a female’s vulnerability and feeling guilty about it. I did not allow my innate male ego to do its thing and act in its predictable, primitive way. I made the choice to walk away from this situation hoping she would fill the void (need for companionship) that was obviously in her life.
Ladies, there is a language and dominant culture that exist in society where men are expected to be hyper-masculine and quick to say yes to every swinging skirt tail that crosses our path. We also receive much criticism for our actions and behavior even we attempt to do what’s right. We are constantly being told how to regulate what we do and remain in certain guidelines to be viewed as “real men”.